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Transitioning early in life: Mindy's advice
My Experience With Education and My Transition High school was and still is a major part of young peoples lives. The things
we experience and the lessons we learn from this crucial part of life will be
with us for the rest of our life to come, for better or worse. Most times young
people struggle to come to terms with their bodies, dating and social interaction,
even getting a job and managing money. And these experiences will provide memories
that we share with our children, grandchildren, and other special people in
our lives, hoping to impart some of the knowledge and lessons that we learned.
Maybe if they listen to us then they will have an easier time than we did when
they are confronted with something similar. Let me share my story with you. I was a bright child and was a good student. I come for a family that has three
children, myself being the oldest, and my two younger sisters. I was in a program
that I had been selected for from my standardized test scores that all students
take. This program was an accelerated learning program geared towards students
who wanted to take certain paths in life. Although there were many different
programs, I chose the Health Professions Magnet because I wanted to be a doctor
when I grew up. I wanted to start a clinic in my neighborhood for people who
couldn't afford to pay for their health care. Many people who know me will tell
you that I was always dreaming big. I was ready to save the world. And this
program was like a mini Pre- Med. program for high school students to prepare
them for the special schooling that they would have to undergo to get where
they wanted to in the Health Professions field. They even set up a mentoring
program that allowed you to shadow a chosen professional in your field of choice. But I wasn't quite like my fellow students ... not in an intellectual capacity,
but I had always felt I was different. Most transsexuals and trans people will
tell you they felt different from an early age. Even gay and lesbians experience
this feeling of awkwardness. And I was no exception to that. I started attending
a group after speaking to my counselor at school called IYG. And I thought I
had put my finger on it! I WAS GAY! I had found a group to foster me and help
me with self esteem issues that straight society just couldn't and wouldn't
do.... After being in the group for a while I did some honest soul searching
and still I found myself feeling a little odd but pushed it out of my head thinking
it was just that same old awkwardness that the teenage years bring about...
At this time I was 14 and getting ready to turn 15 years old. School was amazing
for me once I had found a positive support group and peers. I felt like I was
coming along nice, all the while having that issue in the back of my head. One Thursday evening we had a group speak to us at the Youth Center. But this
group was from IXE. And they were speaking to us about transgender issues and
about being transgender. I, being the young and proud "queer" youth
that I, was had already started experimenting with gender bending, from painting
my toe nails to cross dressing to sneak into the bars with friends to see drag
shows ... but these people were different. They actually lived in the opposite
gender that they were born! After the presentation, it was like a little light
clicked in my head. And that little nagging feeling in the back of my head said
"Hey you ... guess what??? I won't be pushed back anymore!". I didn't
even think that something like this was possible... Men living as women??? Women
living as men??? It was like my world got turned upside down again. I was devastated.
What was I gonna do? I was so confused. After the group meeting, I talked in length to Emily and then to the youth
counselor at the time, Michele O'Mara. I also went home with a lot on my mind.
The next few months seemed to fly by in school and before you know it school
was let out for the summer and I was free to begin what turned out to be the
best summer of my life. I started counseling with Michele over those months
and we can to the conclusion that I was transgender and more specific, I was
a Male to Female transsexual. I was like a kid in a toy store and I was more
comfortable with myself than I had ever been. I finally knew what I wanted,
and had the opportunity to live the way I needed to. Over the summer I educated
myself, reading everything I could get my hands on. I went to the library and
did a lot of research and even met another trans woman (you know who you are!
hint.. at the library...) even though I was too shy to introduce myself. But
I soon realized that I could live a happy and productive life as a transsexual.
I had even begun my own transition. I got IYG to add "transgender"
to the mission statement of the youth group to be all inclusive. After all I
still went there! After the big summer of change and discovery I started school. I had told my
mom about my situation and after some tears and education, she was supportive
of me and the change, but I had not even thought about school. What was I gonna
do? Was they ready for all this? I attended a rather large high school and I
figured that I would just try to blend in and get thru the last two years. You
know, just bite the bullet, and forge ahead. After all, I had my family and
IYG as a support system, if there was too many problems, right??? So I registered
for school as usual and started shopping for clothes and supplies. I was all
set for the first day of school. Or so I thought.... At school on the first day, we had to go to the cafeteria to check in and pick
up our schedule for the rest of the year. We got to see what classes we were
gonna take and who was in those classes. We also got to see all of our friends
that we hadn't seen over the summer time. But I had been thru some changes.
I had decided to break it easy to them (my friends and school). I had opted
on not wearing a lot of makeup or outrageous clothing. After all I was there
to learn and not to create a problem. So I wore androgynous clothing including
women's jeans, a large t shirt, a little gloss on my lips, plucked eyebrows,
and long hair. I had started to grow my hair out over the summer of course.
And started to introduce my new self to my friends. I also said hi to a few
teachers that I had liked a lot in the past few years. To my surprise the students
didn't really act surprised at all. Some were even supportive and chatted with
me briefly about make-up and my hair. The teachers were not even sure at first
who I was. I personally didn't think that I had changed that much, but by the
look on their faces when they realized who I was, I had changed a lot more than
I thought. Some just got really quite. Others went white in the face. One even
started crying and told me I was gonna go to Hell. I was let down a little by
their reaction. In my mind, I had thought that the adults were gonna be easy
to deal with because of the maturity level and the students would have a problem.
As it turned out, it was exactly the opposite! But being the strong willed survivalist
that I was, I just excused myself and decided to go get my schedule and go to
class. I was almost out of the cafeteria when I was pulled aside by my student
dean. The role of your assigned dean was to provide guidance and counsel when
needed and also discipline when appropriate as well. My dean, who was very nice
to me up to now, was very upset with me. She questioned me about "What
was going on here?" and "Did I think this was funny?". I was
trying to explain myself. After all this was MY dean! But I was abruptly stopped
in my explanation and told the following.... "I am being disruptive and
I was to immediately cut my hair, to dress like a boy and to act like a boy.
My safety was at stake and if I didn't comply that I would be dealt with in
an appropriate manner.". I was speechless!!! And if you knew me back then,
that was a big deal to say the least! I politely told my dean that while I could see her side of things that I was
a transsexual and that I would not be complying with her wishes. I said that
I didn't feel like it was an issue of safety and that the students I had talked
to briefly had been supportive of me and that I was happy with how I looked
and I then ask if I could be excused to go to class. A very unhappy dean excused
me and informed me that she would be in touch soon. I continued through the day and even the next two weeks with my schedule. All
the while, my dean and teachers were harassing me, pulling me out of class to
chastise me for my "disruptions" and threatening me with suspension
or bad grades due to unruly behavior. And surprisingly enough, the students
accepted me for the most part, with the occasional incident brought on by attention
from teachers about what I was and what I was doing. I then decided to just
give in and not go to school. Normally, it would be the dean to follow up with
a long absence from school. I was told by friends that I might even go to juvenile
detention for truancy. But no one ever called. When I went into school to sign
myself out, I had a discussion with my dean and student counselor. I explained
why I was dropping out and what had happened with my teachers and even told
my dean that I didn't appreciate her harassment. I was informed that I wasn't
welcome in school as long as I was going to be disruptive and that this was
for the best, at least till I came to my senses. Today I am writing this story after I just took my GED test for my diploma.
And ironically enough, my graduation is gonna be held at my old high school.
I wonder if I will see any of my old teachers?? I am 25 years old now, and I
doubt they will recognize me anymore. I actually seen one of my old music teachers,
when I was taking my test. She was the one who administered my GED test. I had
a conversation with her and she even complimented me on my shoes! I didn't tell
her about my experience or even who I was .... but I was glad that she was nice
to me. Who knows where I would have been if all my teachers had been so nice....... As I continue with my education and look back, I can only hope and pray that the youth who follow in my footsteps will have it a little easier than I did. And I hope that I can do something to change the attitude towards us as a group of people.
I have learned that the only way to do this is thru education of the public,
lobbying to change the laws to protect our rights, and to be more visible when
dealing with young people. Because young people are OUR future, and maybe I can make a difference now where I wasn't given a chance to back then. Send me your thoughts, links, and advice! If you transitioned in your teens or twenties and have any advice you'd like to share, please contact me , and I'll give it a permanent (and anonymous) home. |
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